Lemons make great lemonade

We’ll start with last night…

At 1am I’m on the phone with Ms. T, she is driving to Atlanta to pick up her new beau. Mind you, I as well as another friend warned her, “Georgia cops will give you a speeding ticket in a New York minute.” earlier in the evening (around 10:30 or so). So now it’s just after 1am and Ms. T is telling me about the speeding ticket she just got (while still in FL.) for going 8 miles per hour over the posted speed limit. After getting off of the phone and into the shower I start thinking about how she could have made that $83 ticket really worth her while. I have done this. If I’m going to get a ticket at least I’m going to have a good story to tell behind it. My intended goal is to either A/ Get away with as much as possible without getting myself tossed in the pokey or B/ At least make the cop laugh and give him/her a good story for his/her buddies about the nut case he/she pulled over on a Wednesday at midnight. Example; Had I been pulled over one of the following would have happened…

1/ Since it’s “the middle nowhere” type Fl. Highway: cop walks up, before he/she can say a word I blurt out frantically “I know I was going 8mph over the speed limit, I have no problem with taking the ticket, could you watch my car and keep an ear out for me, I have to tinkle and saw the movie Deliverance and was scared to pull over and potty, I’ve got to go RIGHT NOW!!!” (All of this would be said while doing the adult version of the pee-pee dance)

2/ After accepting (signing for) the ticket asking if Rosco Pico was on shift.

3/ After, while or during accepting (signing for) the ticket saying “Hey, betcha can’t guess what song this is.” then start to hum the banjo side of Dueling Banjo’s. (or the theme from “In The Heat Of The Night” or “The Andy Griffith” song)

4/ After accepting (signing for) the ticket saying “Hey, would you mind if I took your pic with my cell phone? I’m so going to blog about you when I get home and I’d really like my readers to see this experience as vividly as I am.”

5/ After, while or during accepting (signing for) the ticket saying “No hard feelings, right?” (as stupid as this one sounds, I’ve used it and it cracked the cop up that pulled me over)

Anyway, you get the point. You might be asking yourself “Where are the cheap donut references?” 1/ They’re offensive and 2/ Those went out in the 80’s and I refuse to use them.

Keep in mind, if I get busted for speeding, that’s my own damn fault. My intention is not to piss cops off but to make the experience as memorable as possible for all parties involved.