Who the hell is that and do I really care!?

I hate it when I go to a blog and the author says something like “So Sarah and I killed the guy, dug a deep hole in the backyard and proceeded to make sweet, sweet love a top the shallow grave!”. The first thing that comes to my mind is “Who the fuck is Sarah!? Your homicidal BFF, a coworker, some hooker you picked up last week and made a major connection with, your dog?” (the latter certainly being the most entertaining and interesting an idea). This elusive example sucks for the reader because as the reader you‘re stuck trying to figure out who the fuck Sarah is and whether or not you care.

But I also hate going to blogs and seeing the author say “So Sarah (my dog) and I killed the guy, then (my dog) Sarah and I dug a deep hole in the backyard and Sarah (Sarah’s my dog) and I proceeded to make sweet, sweet love a top the shallow grave!” This redundant example sucks for the author and the reader. The author feeling the need to annoy the shit out of their readers by constantly reiterating who Sarah is and the reader being made to feel like they ride the short bus by having constantly been reminded.

Some blog author’s wouldn’t give a shit if you knew who “Sarah” was. They’d figure “If these assholes want to know who Sarah is and how Sarah fits in my life, they’ll stick around and hope I post more information that will bring Sarah’s role in my life to light.” That strikes me as rather selfish. How do you decipher who the characters are when you’re not an “every day” reader. How does the author fill the reader in without being superfluous? Where’s the happy middle ground for authors not wanting to repeat themselves and readers not wanting to read authors repeating themselves?

I’d think the happy middle ground is in a post like this (as mentally challenged as it may seem) being permanently linked somewhere handicap accessible on the page…

Who The Hell Is She Talking About!?

The people I occasionally reference in my posts…

D- Some poor idiot I duped into marrying me 12 years ago
Dad- I won’t assume my readers are so stupid that they can’t figure this one out
Kojak (or The Cop or Officer Hottie)- My BFF
Tabby (or Ms. T)- My other BFF
George (or Whore-Hey)- My EX!!!! douchebag therapist
Krazy K- My psychotic, neurotic, alcoholic sister
Pitiful J- My lazy ass, pot head, half brother
Fat Nasty (or MIL)- Mother In Law (duh!)
The Harpy (or SIL)- Sister In Law (see above)

So the next time you find yourself asking “Who the hell is she talking about!?” There you have it.