And you thought you had it rough!

This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat, and is from North Africa.

So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:

You could look like a dick with buck teeth.



(Thanks Kojak, I needed a good laugh)

I'm Hit!

I have been tagged by Will Tone over at Brother In Blue with the “weird” meme. All I can say is, Dude, if I didn’t dig your blog, I so wouldn’t do this.

The rules are as follows: Simply link to the person who tagged you (see above). SHARE SEVEN WEIRD things about yourself (see below). Tag SEVEN bloggers to do the same AND include a link to their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged and finally post the rules on your blog (that would be this paragraph).
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1.) My best friend is a cop. I take tons of pictures of him and his coworkers. I plan on sending them to Fox with the request that they create a show called “World’s Most Shocking LEO Pictures” or “Cops Gone Wild”.

2.) I frequently make odd and strange noises randomly at home and in public.

3.) I’ve wrangled chickens. It’s a long story.

4.) I have a creepy obsession with the movie “Kung Pow!”, I chalk it up to my OCD.

5.) Kojak lives right next door to a fire station. When he first moved in I baked treats for them every weekend. After a few months he told me I wasn’t allowed to bake for them until they showed a little more appreciation for my efforts.

6.) I watch the NFL channel more than most men.

7.) I get incredibly car sick if I ride in the back seat, even for short distances.

If those aren’t enough, there’s always my first meme and if you are hankerin’ to know a butt load of weird things about me there’s my 100+ list.

So I’m tagging the following amazingly awesome super rockin’ bloggers…

Latté Girl @ Inner Dialogues
Eric @ The Noisy Cakehole
Tuna Girl @ Tuna Girl
Lushy @ Such A Pretty Face
Kilroy_60 @ Fear And Loathing- The Gonzo Papers

If ya don’t want to do it I’ll be super disappointed but I’ll totally understand. No pressure, right? If you’ve already done it, do it again with 7 new weird things. There are a few others I’d tag but they are lazy slackers, less likely to update their blogs than me (you know who you are).

I felt like you should probably know this…

I’ve been busy. VERY busy. Kojak posts more about what’s going on in my world than I do- so if you want an update, go check out his blog. I’m still here, among the living dead, just busy. VERY busy.

So when I stumbled across the below I felt that I should share this information immediately. This crap is vital!

Top 10 Useless Body Parts
By The Science Channel

When you're sick you may feel that certain body parts are more trouble than they're worth. And in some cases, you'd be right. While the human body has evolved and adapted significantly since the caveman days, a few biological traces of our prehistoric ancestors still remain with us in the form of freeloading body parts we lug around with us, but have no use for. Take a gander at the top offenders!

10. Plica semilunaris
You may not know it, but you have a third eyelid. Pull open the two more noticeable eyelids and take a look -- it's located right in the corner by the tear duct. This small third eyelid is left over from what's known as a "nictitating membrane," which is still present in full form in some animals including chickens, lizards and sharks.

9. Body hair
No doubt we were once hairier. Up until about 3 million years ago, we were covered with body hair. But by the time Homo erectus arrived, the ability to sweat meant we could shed our woolly ways.

8. Sinuses
Doctors don't really know much about sinuses -- only that we have a lot of them. Possibilities for their function range from insulating our eyes to changing the pitch and tone of our voice.

7. Adenoids
Adenoids trap bacteria, but they're also prone to swelling and infection. Just ask any 7-year-old. Luckily, our adenoids shrink with age and are often removed, along with ...

6. Tonsils
Also prone to swelling and infection. If you still have them when you reach your 30's, it's almost an accomplishment.

5. Coccyx
More useful as a game-winning Scrabble word than as part of the anatomy, the coccyx or tailbone, is made up of several fused vertebrae left over from the olden days when we had tails.

4. Arrector pili
When we were hairier (see No. 9), the arrector pili made the hairs stand on end when we needed to appear bigger and scarier. Now, it just gives us goose bumps.

3. Wisdom teeth
Back in the day, when we ate mammoth meat off the bone and didn't floss afterward, our teeth tended to fall out. Therefore, when those reserve molars, aka "wisdom teeth," came in, they were welcomed. Nowadays, fluoride and dental plans have made them just a huge pain.

2. Appendix
Darwin claimed the appendix was useful for digestion during our early plant-eating years; it's dwindled down to little since we started eating more digestible foods.

1. Male nipples
Because, why?

Well that killed 10 minutes...

Scary Monster over at Me No Blog had an excellent idea…here’s what he said…

“This time Me believes that me has found a way to tie in a new concept that will allow every one to participate in the post thereby forming a web within the web.
Iffin ya don't understand what me be talkin about then yer in good company.

Below is a joke.
whether it be good or bad doesn't really matter.

What does matter is that Me will post the punch line in me comments section.

Me would be extremely grateful iffin you could post a single punchline to a joke that you like in the comments section as well and then post the body on your blog. This way folks that visit will see only the punchlines and have to visit you to get the whole gag.

This just might be a fun way to tie all our posts together for a short time.Give it a shot, It will be cool!”

Which I think actually translates into….

Post a single punch-line to a joke (good or bad) that you like in the comments section and then post the body on your blog. This way folks that visit will see only the punch-lines and have to visit you to get the whole gag.

So here goes…

What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common?

This is why my dad rocks…

All I could say after seeing it was “Holy Christ, that was truly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my LIFE!”.

This is hysterical


Thanks, dad! Listening to you giggle like a 5 year old was almost as funny as the video.

I was a meme virgin until…

Lattégirl tagged me.

Seven weird things about me

1) I eat in my sleep.
2) I fantasize about being a ninja (or a Jedi).
3) I think testicles are stupid looking.
4) I sit in my back yard late at night, half naked and contemplate life.
5) I can talk people into doing really stupid shit.
6) I hate nickels!
7) My inner voice sounds like Darth Vader.


Now I tag people:

DS @ I Must Be Slipping
Rose @ Great Googly Moogly
Tuna Girl @ Tuna Blog
Kilroy_60 @ Fear And Loathing
Trinity 67 @ Thoughts…

None of you should in any shape, way or form feel obligated to do this retarded meme…I did it cause I got excited about it being my first and well, I dig Lattégirl (not like that you perv!)

SWAT Team Hand Signals

Ever wonder what they're saying to each other?


If you can't see the captions real well, click on the picture- it should bring up the whole thing at the original size.


It's an oldie but a goodie. I jacked this from over at Stale Betty's place; here is the original post. Rose's husband posted it during last year's Blog-A-Thon.

My Fine Is...$555.10

I jacked this from over at Tuna Girl’s place.

I had to actually go searching for a calculator to tally mine up. That’s just sad. By the way, does anyone else smell brimstone, or is it just me?


Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… ”My Fine Is…”

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

What color is your aura?

I jacked this from over at Such A Pretty Face. It's creepy because it's pretty damn accurate.

Your aura colours are overlapped. Your most likely colours are:

Green.

Greens are strategists. They are analytical, organizers, planners, mental, abstract, inventors of the to-do list. They can be unfeeling.

Crystal.

Crystals are healers. They are private, spiritual, readers, socially awkward, rehearsed, shy, retiring, proper, misunderstood and unappreciated. They can seem fragile.

Physical Tan.

Physical Tans are soldiers and boyscouts. They are independent, responsible, sober, cautious, deliberate, calculated, dignified, reticent, individualistice and physical. They can also be rigid and inflexible.

Find out what colour your aura is.

~"Greens are strategists. They are analytical, organizers, planners, mental, abstract, inventors of the to-do list. They can be unfeeling.

Intellectually intense, and able to pare an idea to the bone-these are attributes of an analytical Green. Greens measure their own worth by their ability to be productive, generating countless ideas and projects, and by their creative ability, which allows them to devise innovative, workable solutions to problems. They are the planners, organizers, and strategists of the Personality Spectrums.

Their greatest fear is that what they create and produce will not be good enough and they will be found lacking. This low sense of self-esteem leads Greens into an emotional box canyon where being perfect is seen as necessary to earn the love and respect of those around them. The major lesson that all Greens must learn is that life can be easy, elegant, and fun, but if they wish to live that kind of life, they must give up their emotional need to be perfect."

~"Crystals are healers. They are private, spiritual, readers, socially awkward, rehearsed, shy, retiring, proper, misunderstood and unappreciated. They can seem fragile.

Crystals are natural healers. They utilize energy to transform light into healing rays. They become the medium or the conduit through which healing passes. They are able to increase their personal, physical power to the point where they are able to cleanse the minds and souls so that physical healing can follow. Their biggest challenge is learning how to cope with the gift of healing. In order not to attract attention to themselves, Crystals become the chameleons of the spectrum, assimilating other colors into their aura in order to hide or protect themselves. They clutter up their own energy field when they do this, bringing harm to themselves. This act also confuses others. The challenge for Crystals is to learn to know themselves and what their special gifts are so that they do not have to disguise themselves through emotional camouflage."

~"Physical Tans are soldiers and boyscouts. They are independent, responsible, sober, cautious, deliberate, calculated, dignified, reticent, individualistice and physical. They can be rigid and inflexible.

Physical Tans are one of the three Eclipse Colors. An eclipse is different from an overlay. To have an eclipse in the aura means that the individual has two bands of color that completely surround the body, one outside the other. These two colors are interpreted as one color. This distinctive color pairing has its own character and personality style; it is not a marriage of the characteristics of the two colors that make up the combination. The two colors that make up Physical Tan arc Mental Tan and Green. While Mental Tan and Green are both in the Mental Family of colors, the eclipse combination of the colors produces personality and character traits similar to those of the Yellow. Therefore, Physical Tan is one of the Physical (body) Personality Spectrums colors. Physical Tans experience themselves as the physical center of the three-dimensional world that surrounds them. Their bodies behave like sonar sensing devices. They are constantly sending out signals and absorbing the echoes, translating the messages physically so that they can then process them mentally. The strength of this color combination is that both components are independent, responsible, and willing to be theft own authority. This means that people with this Eclipse Colour tend to stand back and observe what is going on before they commit themselves. However, once committed, they are self starters and initiators. They have a sense of their own individualism, which they hold as sacRed.

The greatest challenge for a Physical Tan is to develop flexibility. Their experience of life has reinforced their belief that in order to beloved, they must perform according to other people's expectations. To a Physical Tan, this means that they must carry out a task, fulfill an agreement, or deliver a product before they can experience acceptance and love. This tends to make them rigid and inflexible in their expectations of themselves and others. By understanding their own nature, they can come to know that there is a place for them in life, where they will have autonomy within the system."

Come on, just do it...

even if you're a 'lurker'. Put your answers in the comments or jack it and put it on your own blog then comment that it's there (but please give credit to the original author: Kilroy_60)

I jacked this from Fear And Loathing in the Blogosphere. This isn’t the whole post (the whole post is linked at the bottom), just the questions because I thought they were rather interesting.

Kilroy_60 wrote:

“I am interested to learn about my visitors as much as I am curious about what you think of the content offered here. If you would indulge me, I have 17{ish} question for you…”


1/ A person opens a fortune cookie ~ What does the fortune say that you have written?

Better luck next lifetime.

2/ You are having a long lunch at the Time Travel Diner ~ what three people from history will be joining you?

The Marquis de Sade, Hunter Thompson, Rod Serling

3/ What has been the primary area in which you have worked and what other job would you be most interested in pursuing?

Veterinary Field (though I’m now in pharmaceuticals. I’d be most interested in pursuing forensic and or mortuary science (my current major is forensics)

4/ The last thing you had to eat was what?

Cottage Cheese and Triscuits

5/ What has been the most memorable musical performance you attended live? {When was it?}

I saw Cats in New York, in 1986 or 7

6/ Your favorite fragrance is what?

Certain male pheromones set me off but I love the smell of jasmine

7/ What happens to you when you die?

You cease to breathe

8/ What do you collect?

Psychoses and books (for the last few months, books on paralanguage in relation to kinetics)

9/ You have the opportunity to spend one day anywhere in the world ~ Where do you go?

Home

10/ The thing you find most interesting in nature is what?

The Universe

11/ Given the opportunity to order one meal {Your last?} ~ What do you have to eat?

Nothing

12/ The first thing that comes to mind when you see the word romance is what?

Saddness

13/ You are getting a tatoo {or another one}? Where are you getting it and what will it be?

’God’s Guffaw’ on my chest, over my heart

14/ Friday night, what is your favorite thing to do?

I work Friday nights

15/The last television program you watched was what?

Something about Giant Squids on Discovery

16/ What do you find most confusing in life?

My perception of it

17/ What question do you wish had been on the list? And what is the answer?

If you could describe yourself in one or two words, what would it be? Ans: A contradiction

18/ If there were a prize for answering the questions, what would you want it to be?

Sanity

19/ Do you have a blog you would recommend to visit other than your own?

Spiderbites- his writing (and general outlook) is phenomenally complex (yet incredibly entertaining).

One last question...

{ This banner isn't a live link. }
What is the target market and to what type of website was this link pointed?




The target market is the mentally disturbed, the website would take you to some sort of new psychotropic medication.


Here is the original post by Kilroy_60 in its entirety.

Uh, okay

This was jacked from The Cynical Girl 1.0.

1. You are in the Witness Protection Program and must invent a new first, last, and middle name. What is it?

Cooter Wilber Jones

2. You are in a threesome with two famous people, alive or dead.

Matthew Porretta & Vin Diesel & Nic Cage & Johnny Depp & Bruce Campbell & The guy who invented K-Y &....

3. You are in charge of naming your new band. What's the name of the band?

“The Boondogglers” or “Hootie and the Blowfish 2” I believe in democracy, I’d let the rest of the band vote on it.

4. You are going to get a free tattoo. What would it be?


"God’s Guffaw" or "If found, please return"

5. You are being forced to listen to one song over and over, ad infinitum, as a form of torture. What song is it?

The Song That Never Ends

6. You are leaving your state/province. What state do you move to?

Sanity

7. You are leaving your country, where would you move?

Two weeks from anywhere

8. You get to choose one book as the best ever written. What book do you choose?

The dictionary

9. You get to choose one movie as the best ever made. What movie do you choose?

Kung Pow: Enter The Fist

10. You get to spend one day each as a bird, an insect, and a mammal. What bird would you be? What insect? What mammal?

Mocking Bird, Stink Bug, Elephant

11. You must relive one year of your life. Which would you like to relive?

1979

12. Which year(s) would you least like to relive?

87, 88, 89 and 90- four close family members died, one per year. My childhood fucking sucked because of that.

13. You have a time machine that will take you backwards anywhere from 1800 to the present. What decade do you most want to visit?

The 60’s so I could warn my dad

14. You must choose to go skydiving or very-deep-sea diving.

Deep sea diving

15. You get to return to the past (using that handy dandy time machine we were talking about before) and have a sexual encounter with a rock star who is no longer alive. Who do you pick?

The Big Bopper

16. You get to be a contestant on any game show, airing today or in the past. What show do you want to be on?

The Gong Show

17. You are given $1 million dollars but you must give it all to one charity. What charity do you choose?

ALDF

18. You must ban one word from the dictionary and all usage, to be no longer uttered or written. What word do you ban?

The “N” word, I’m fucking sick of it!

19. You can have 100 million dollars tax-free but if you take it, you'll die at the age of fifty. Do you take it?

Yep

20. There is no number 20.

Whatever

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

You're Brigitte Bardot!
Take this quiz!

Umm, okay.

I love screwing these up

Subject: Get to know your friends
Have fun!

1. What time is it? 2:30 pm

2. What's your full name? Aza Whatthefuckever Doe

3. What are you most afraid of? Filthy bathrooms

4. Most recent movie that you have seen in a theatre? Corpse Bride

5. Place of birth? A Hospital

6. Favorite new food? Old cheese

7. What's your natural hair color? Bald

8. Ever been to Alaska? In a dream once.

9. Ever been toilet papering rolling? Why would I want to roll toilet paper? I thought the goal was to get it off of the roll, not on it.

10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes, but duct tape made it better.

11.What are you wearing? Jammies

12. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons for the vegetarian, please.

13. Favorite day of the week? The lucid ones.

14. Favorite Flower? Potted

15. Favorite sport to watch? Boxing. But really any sport in which someone legitimately gets their ass kicked.

16. Favorite Alcoholic Drink? Yes, please.

17. Favorite ice cream? The fattening kind.

18. Disney or Warner Brothers? Adult Swim

19. What color is your bedroom carpet? Before the police came?

20. How many times did you failed your driver's test? There was a test? I must have skipped that day.

21. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Some company asking if I'd like penis enlargement.

22. What do you do most often when you are bored? Nothing and that’s why I’m bored.

23 Bedtime? No thanks, I just woke up.

24. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? Someone who is bored.

25. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Someone who isn’t bored.

26. Who are you are most curious to see their responses? Me

27. Favorite TV shows? Cartoons, The First 48 and Deadliest Catch.

28. Last person you went to dinner with? Me, myself and I. Oh, and some person I picked up at the bus station.

29. Ford or Chevy? If it has 4 wheels and an engine I’m happy.

30. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head conjuring an alibi, and Gangsta Rap.

31. What are your favorite colors - Grays and khakis

32. How many tattoos do you have? Do oddly shaped scars count?

33. How many pets do you have? 1, I’m married to him.

34. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Single celled organisms in the ocean.

35. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Living

36. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Only the Shadow knows.

RETURN DIRECTIONS: Now, here 's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun. Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you. Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.