And you thought you had it rough!

This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat, and is from North Africa.

So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:

You could look like a dick with buck teeth.



(Thanks Kojak, I needed a good laugh)

Be my support. Be my strength. Be my bra…

Dad sent the below email to me. After checking it out on Snopes and determining it’s legit, please take a look…


From a nurse:

I'll never forget the look in my patients' eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered. A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important.

Please take the time and do it! Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.

If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same..

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through' Mastectomy where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name, state, and zip code.

(http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php)

This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, and on behalf of all women, THANKS!

This is why my dad rocks…

All I could say after seeing it was “Holy Christ, that was truly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my LIFE!”.

This is hysterical


Thanks, dad! Listening to you giggle like a 5 year old was almost as funny as the video.

Dumb but funny observations

I found this in a forwarded mail- I would give credit where credit is due but I don't remember who sent it to me. Usually I hate forwards as expressed here and I wish the sender cursed to eternal damnation... but yeah this one I kind of like...


*1.* People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

*2* People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

*3* When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

*4* When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

*5* When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

*6* People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

*7.* When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

*8* When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

*9* When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Yeah, I thought it was touching, too.

Elephant's Memory - Touching Story.


In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.

Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk a round one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

(Thanks Warren)

HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAne!

Yeah, so since I just got off of an eleven hour shift that suck, suckity, suck, sucked (and am at the beginning of my work week...ahhh, Monday- Hoorey Beer!)...I brought out an old work related email that Kira sent to me. Thanks Kira. I know Monday is the start of your work week but you really should consider joining me at the pub for a shot of something yummy and a game of pool.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e-mail address be: zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

13. Don'tuseanypunctuationorspaces

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Hum when you ride an elevator.

....AnD tHe FiNaL wAy tO aNnOy PeOpLe:

24. Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you.

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Who knows, maybe something good will happen. If not...tough!

(As always, thanks Kira!)

25 to LIFE

If you ever get these two environments confused, this should make things
a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON......you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you're often required to carry a security card and open all
the doors yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you're not supposed to even speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers.
AT WORK............you pay all your expenses to get to work, and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK .........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go
inside bars.

IN PRISON........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they're called managers.


Thanks for clearing that up for me Kira, now I realize I should have shot someone rather than put in my resume. :)

Warning: Virus Alert!

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should share this warning with 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Update: After extensive testing, it has been concluded that Best-Equivalent-Extractor-Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE but may require a more generous application.

(thanks Kira! After a crappy day on the job I needed this!)

Laws Of Life (passed along by Di)

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of the Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a hot cup of coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it.

Apparently the rules have changed

New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a
reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the
football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless
you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was
found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols.
If you're a grown man , they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle
of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste.
Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored
water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored
water.

New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a
redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top
is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it,
his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass
hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra
dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a
huge ass hole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my
card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount,
deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the
kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my
Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly
sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because
watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting.
What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that.
It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms,
I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy,
old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a
remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember
the reason something was a television show in the first place is that
the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for
weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you
isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just
had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be
there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your
webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in
months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not cheese. And
I didn't really care in the first place.

I feel so very screwed at the moment...

and the sad part is I screwed myself.

If you remember I went on a big fat rant awhile back about how much I fucking hate "type 4" forwards. Now let me clearly state that Kira did not intend to send the below entry as a "type 4", she meant it as a "funny". The whole point here is I fell for it as a "type 4" hook, line and sinker.

Along came Mikey (he's got a groovy blog over at Hey Freak!) who very politely passed along a link to Snopes about this particular legend. (without rubbing the fact that I'm obviously having a "mentally challenged" moment in) I salute you, kind sir.

The really sad part is... I have a link to Snopes in Linkalicious.

This mental constipation is killing me!

Still....waiting for the brilliance.

Got this in email....just sharin' the love

Thanks Kira!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests...

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyones chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift for everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F---you". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "Im outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the brides and best mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends .. $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion ... $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui ... $8,500.

The look on everyones face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man..........Priceless.

There are some things money cant buy, for everything else theres MASTERCARD!

Interesting Health Fact and a personal thought on "forwards"

Bet you didn't know this:

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving People a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Side note: I got the above forwarded to me from a friend and thought I'd share. For the most part I fucking hate forwards because they're usually one of four things;

1/ Sappy "feel good about yourself" chain mail (YOU MUST SEND THIS TO 8 MILLION PEOPLE (WHILE PRAYING FOR WORLD PEACE) TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE OR YOU'RE AN UNCARING PRICK!!!!!!!!) bullshit.

2/ Superstitious chain mail (YOU MUST SEND THIS TO 8 MILLION PEOPLE RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL DIE AT THE MOUTHS OF RABID PIGS AND SCREW EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER KNOWN YOU WITH BAD LUCK FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!) bullshit.

3/ Scam chain mail (YOU MUST SEND THIS TO 8 MILLION PEOPLE BECAUSE BILL GATES IS WATCHING YOUR EMAIL AND WILL GIVE YOU A FORTUNE AND IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE A RETARD THAT JUST GAVE UP THE CHANCE TO BE A GAZILLIONAIR!!!!!!!!!) bullshit.

And finally the worst fucking one- #4/ "This REALLY happened" chain mail (-Insert bullshit story here- THIS REALLY HAPPENED AND IF YOU DON'T WARN 8 MILLION PEOPLE RIGHT NOW YOU'RE A DUMBSHIT THAT CAN'T SEE THAT IT COULD (read: Probably will) HAPPEN TO YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) bullshit.

9 times out of 10 after reading a #4 type forward I will go to snopes. com or urban legends.com, see that it's bullshit and forward the TRUTH attached to the bullshit to all 8 million people that got it sent to them along with me. Included with the TRUTH will be the following- a 2 page long rant about people not taking the time to check their facts, wasting fucking bandwidth, taking up MY inbox space with stupid factless bullshit and wasting my (and other people's) fucking time, and a link to snopes or urban legends begging people to check the facts before clicking "Send".

So there's that. I don't mind funny or meaningful forwards from people who know me and know what I dig but really,... the bullshit has got to stop- so it does,.... at my inbox.

PMS anyone?

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Midsection
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Numbers 1, 2, 5, and especially # 13 have my vote!