(WARNING: Considering I’ve had a crappy week and I’m feeling particularly bummed out this evening…a very rude rant is to ensue)
Where to begin, where to begin…How about a “Fuck Off” list?
Fuck Off IRS! It’s not my fault my job only took 2% out of my paycheck last year rather than the 10% you usually ramrod me for. I fucking claimed ZERO!!!! Send them the $900 dollar bill! Oh, you’re sending me the tab…no problem, I haven’t paid enough to put one of my therapists kids through college to have not picked up a coping skill or two from him. So how’s this for coping, every time you send me one of those threatening “Pay us or we’ll break your kneecaps” letters, I’m going to send you a check….for ten fucking dollars. And ya know what? As long as you cash that ten dollar check, you can’t send my ass to collections. How‘s that for coping?
Fuck Off Dickhole Who Subpoenaed D! Your wife is a goddamned schizo thief. D saw her steal. Three cops saw her steal. She admitted to stealing! Just because she’s married to some sorry ass shyster dickhole divorce lawyer….YOU….doesn’t give her a license to run around town stealing shit. Wanna make the world a better place? First you need to kick her ass for stealing, then you need to eat a bullet you stupid fuck! Should you choose not to go out that way, I hope you die of gonorrhea of the eyeballs and when you go to hell (where most of your kind goes) there are giant rabid gay Rottweilers hung like John Holmes waiting to pound your ass for an eternity. Oh D will show up for that deposition, but you’re going to wish to Christ he hadn’t.
Fuck Off Mother Nature! I’ve got enough problems on my plate right now. I could really do without adding “menstruation” to the list! I can't go one single month without my womb telling me what to do for a week.
Fuck Off Whoever Or Whatever Possessed D! I awoke a few days ago at three in the morning, rolled over only to find a bald man asleep where D should have been. Upon further inspection I discovered it WAS D. He’d shaved his fucking head. Why? Well while cutting his own hair (why he’d do this is beyond me) he “slipped up” and “shaved it a little too close” so he decided to go ahead and “shave it all off”. At 33 you’re too old to be doing stupid shit like this- he must have been possessed! Or he was showing Britney that he’s “down with the cause”.
Fuck Off Giant Spider! You didn’t get squished because I was scared of you. You got squished because you ambushed me and I have no respect for sneaky little bastards like you. You know what the difference is between you and me? I squished you to your face. You, you sly little shit, waited until my back was turned to jump me. Fucker.
Fuck Off Oscars! And the entire retarded spectacle surrounding them. I didn’t watch them….why? Because I’ve got more important shit going on in my life and even if I didn’t have anything to do I’d find, nay, actively search for something more constructive to do with my time!
Fuck Off Blogger! This “new” set up isn’t any better than the old one. All it accomplished was to make me think up stupid fucking labels to categorize my posts with. If I had wanted that feature, I would have gone with an online journal service that offered it and didn’t force itself on its users like a greedy eager prom date. Thanks for fucking up a good thing!
Labels: Fuck Off Friday