Surreptitious Psychosis
A Peek In My Head...

Putting the "fun" in disfunctional since 1978!

Name: Aza
From: Florida, United States

I reject your reality and substitute my own

More Useless Crap To Know About Me

100+ Things

Who The Hell Is She Talking About!?

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IM: Surreptitious_Psychosis (yahoo)

The Other Day I Said...

*tap, tap, tap*

Pass the Depends please…

Dinner for 10 (small villages)...

Wow, I really needed that!

Hell hath no fury like an Aza scorned!

And you thought you had it rough!

Who turned on the cool?

Thanks for nothing Fay! And an open letter to a sc...

A sad day for comedy indeed

Another post about ta-ta's

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    Sunday, February 26, 2006

    Adjusting and more

    I hope after my second day on this new work schedule I'm not speaking prematurely when I say I think this is gonna work- well. Yeah it sucks that the two days that I do have off I'm in school but I can deal. It's weird getting up so early; I've always been a "night person" plus I have sleep issues.

    I have an agenda for Monday...

    D and I both have the day off (YAY!). So here's my thinking, I get in from school around 9:30 and let D sleep till noon. I'll get him up and we'll begin our day off. We both have a shit load of homework to catch up on and desperately need to go grocery shopping (I've been surviving on a staple of bagels, yogurt and the ocassional granola bar for nearly two weeks now). We've both had so much to do that eating and trying to find time to restock the kitchen has kind of been put on a back burner. I'm fucking hungry people! After shopping (eating) and homework I want to do nothing. Absolutely nothing!

    Speaking of eating; where the hell are my Girl Scout cookies? I ordered three boxes of sugary sin months ago and still have nothing to show for it. I NEED these cookies!!! Little children are at the entrance of every shopping establishment in this city tempting me with a substance so highly addictive if I were broke I could see myself pawning shit to get it (not to mention it's packaged in a convenient little box that fits so well on my freezer door.) You wanna cure the crack epidemic in this country? Give the crackheads a bite of a Thin Mint or Samoa. Yes, I know, Eddy's ice cream has a Girl Scout cookie ice cream (in various flavors) but it's just not the same. This, right here is why they only sell them a few weeks once a year. So people like me will order $500 dollars worth (which equivalates out to be about 10 boxes; the price seems to go up every year) thinking they'll last more than two weeks. Yeah fucking right, I'm halfway through the second box by the time I pull into the driveway.



    Friday, February 24, 2006

    Resolution ROCKS!!!!

    "Plan B" (from outer space) as mentioned in last nights post is now officially filed away (hope I won't have to unfile it anytime soon). So since plan B isn't an issue, we'll move on.

    The conversation with my boss this morning went so much better than expected! I got up early, went to my home store and in as serious of a voice as I could muster said to my boss "I'd like to catch up with you since we haven't spoken since I went to the training store. I'd also like to discuss a few other issues that have been on my mind". I guess my "I'm really trying to get a clear message through to you" attitude got her attention.

    After my statement was laid out I thought I was going to spew right then and there. So, this is how it went....

    Me: I made the above statement

    Mrs F.: "You don't look so well"

    Me: "I don't feel so well"

    Mrs. F: "I've been calling the training store for two days now trying to check in on you but kept getting put on hold. I was starting to get worried."

    Me: "I came in after work to speak with you yesterday but you were at a managers meeting so I decided to come in today before I was due over at the other store."

    Mrs. F: "What's going on over there?"

    Me: I basically told her everything that I've been bitching about on the blog

    Mrs. F: "I was afraid of that. Screw that store, you're going to finish your training here."

    AMEN! Issues #1- Resolved

    Me: "After today I will have pulled 35 hours this week. I understand that I'm training but this is killing my school schedule."

    Mrs. F: "35 hours!!! You need between 20 and 25 hours, not 35! That explains why you look so bad/stressed"

    Me: "My thoughts exactly. I'm so glad you understand where I'm coming from"

    Mrs. F: "You're in school Monday and Wednesday right? I want you off on those days doing homework. Understand?" (she gets all 'mom-like' on me)

    Me: "Gottcha"

    Mrs. F: "How's this sound, school days off and the other 5 days 5 hours a day. Say, 8am to 1pm or 9am to 2pm?"

    Me: "Sounds like exactly what I need, thank you"

    Mrs. F: "Now, if that's still too much and you're not getting enough study time I can cut you back to 20 hours instead of 25."

    Me: "I think 25 will be fine. That extra 10 hours should make a big difference."

    AMEN! Issue #2 Resolved

    From there all of the other "little" issues fell into place and were resovled. D is still sleeping (yes, he's still on overnights) so when he gets up I think he'll be thrilled to hear about today's events. I've got a lot more to go into; mind you, this was just a general outline of one conversation. However, I've got homework to do, I'm starving and just wanted to get the top work issues tossed out there. "Me" issues are sure to come soon, just not right now.




    There's really too much going on to go into now (plus I should have been in bed two hours ago) so I'll just throw out what's on the forefront.

    I'm getting up early today, going to my home store and am going to have a "sit down" with my boss before going to my training store. Basically, 35 hours a week is not part time and it's killing my study/Aza has lots of shit to do time. There's way too much going on in my life right now to sign on to a job for part time only to get screwed into full time hours. My boss knew this when she hired me. Plus, I'm not getting out of my training store what I need; proper training. The location I'm at is way too busy for me to be able to put what I learn each day into practical use when dozens of patients need there meds "right now!!!!!". I don't think it's fair to my coworkers, the patients or myself. I need to be in a slower store until I get this computer system down pat.

    For now I'm crossing my fingers that this conversation goes really well. If it doesn't? Fuck it, I have a "plan B" that I'll go into later.

    Off to bed I go. More to come tomorrow night or Saturday.



    Wednesday, February 22, 2006

    Is it Friday yet!?

    I'm so freaking tired!!!!!!!


    Monday, February 20, 2006

    PMS anyone?

    13 Things PMS Stands For:

    1. Pass My Shotgun
    2. Psychotic Mood Shift
    3. Perpetual Munching Spree
    4. Puffy Midsection
    5. People Make me Sick
    6. Provide Me with Sweets
    7. Pardon My Sobbing
    8. Pimples May Surface
    9. Pass My Sweat pants
    10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
    11. Plainly; Men Suck
    12. Pack My Stuff
    13. Potential Murder Suspect

    Numbers 1, 2, 5, and especially # 13 have my vote!



    My job

    Warning: a rant is coming on....

    So I'm starting my second week on the job tomorrow (today). I've given a lot of thought to how I'm feeling/dealing with my new circumstances. I've come to two conclusions; I could grow to love it and for now, I fucking hate it. I think I'll enjoy it a bit more as I get through my training (this computer system we work with is confusing) and loosen up a bit. It seems like one big cluster-fuck from the moment I walk in to the moment I leave. I can say this regarding what I really hate; most of my co-workers are shit bags. They don't care, they are impatient, they are rude and from what I can see they're only there for one of two reasons 1/ A pay check or 2/ They want to impose their fucking miserable lives on everyone around them (under the guise of "sharing") but the people in their personal life have either long since hauled ass away from them or have expressed that they're sick and fucking tired of hearing it, so they come to work and impose on strangers and co-workers (who like those in their personal lives, really don't give two shits and have better things to do with their day). My advise to them? Get a fucking blog fuckers!!!! Spill all of your shit into a journal and go to work the next day with a fucking smile on your face. There are people in the world that would give anything to have your job you ungrateful dick wads! In summary, they can blow me.

    To end my rant on a more pleasant note, D has been amazingly supportive and understanding of my response to this transition. He's been there and now he sees me there and is trying to do everything he can to make it better. So yeah, the bathroom that is my job smells like shit but at least I can depend on D to have my back with some air freshener.

    Moving on, D started a weeks worth of overnight shifts tonight which is depressing. He works from 11pm to 7:30am and I'll be working from 10am to 5pm for at least the next 7 days. These overnight shifts were inconvenient before but they really bother me now because I can't change my schedule to his and stay up until he gets home like I used to.

    I have a lot more to say but I need pay some bills and go to bed.



    Tuesday, February 14, 2006

    I've got a lot to cover...


    The IM I got last night. I'm not really up for going into all of the history behind the situation but suffice to say; it's really screwed up. I think I'll refer to the individual that IMed me as "Leach". Why? Because he sucks the fucking life out of everyone he comes in contact with and just when you think you're rid of him, he pops back up (wait a minute, maybe that's tapeworms). Needless to say, he is a complete and total nut job; very unstable. Long story short, before I really got to know how incredibly nuts Leach is I was his friend. The following are red flags that I should have caught on to but didn't- after reading them you'll probably say to yourself "Wow Aza, you must be a total retard". My response? Yeah, I think to some degree I am.

    Red Flag #1 Has never been in a stable relationship and has very few friends.

    Red Flag #2 Completely hated my husband (who btw, is nearly impossible to hate).

    Red Flag #3 Extremely jealous of anything, everyone and everything.

    Red Flag #4 Regularly acted out by way of psychotic episodes.

    Red Flag #5 Major alcoholic/drug addict.

    Red Flag #6 Acted out sexually in completely inappropriate ways toward damn near everyone he came into contact with.

    Anyway, you get the point- the list goes on and on and on.

    Moving forward with the story. I broke contact with him almost 2 years ago. Last night I was in a hurry to get some stuff done online and forgot to turn off my MSN messenger. Along comes Leach looking for another meal. He lambasted me about where I'd been for the last 2 years and why my day to day life had not included him (I was thinking to myself "Uh, maybe because you're a crazy little nut bag!!!!!!"). I think I came off in the conversation as polite but distant. Pissing off someone who is psychotic and has made repeated threats in the past isn't a very good idea. After I got offline I relayed the conversation in depth and detail to my dad (he knows the whole story behind Leach), then called my husband who was able to offer some moral support and then called Kira (Her blog is linked in my "Blogs I Dig" sidebar under the name "Dancing In The Moonlight". Drop in on her blog; she's a groovy chick that really has her shit together). She was kind enough to talk me down from the brink of a panic attack.

    That's all I have to say about Leach for now.


    To finish up my post from last night we'll move on to my car. After class yesterday I went to the dealership for and oil change and to have a screw pulled out of one of the front tires as well as a rotate and balance. My service guy is a great person. He won't try to sell you services you don't absolutely need. That being said I was 900 miles away from needing the 60 thousand mile treatment done to my car and all of the above things I had done were part of the treatment anyway. So, for around $120 dollars more I went ahead and had the treatment done a little early. I decided to put new rotors on also. Basically I walked away spending $537 dollars and had all of the shit done that a car needs done when it hits the 60 thousand mile mark. My service guy was kind enough to give me a few financial breaks here and there which explains why the bill was under $600. $537 dollars was a somewhat unexpected chunk but A/ It could have been worse, B/ Cars that are properly cared for last longer C/ It was almost due anyway and D/ The car runs like a dream now. In conclusion, a large amount of money will turn out to be a small price to pay in the long run.


    Today was my first day at a new job. Why a 'new' job? Because my old job was PRN (aka "as needed") which isn't conducive to paying the bills when two people are trying to pay for college. "D" (my husband) makes good money but things are becoming tight since he decided to go back to school this year. It's time for me to step up and help bring home the bacon (which seems like such a stupid phrase coming from a vegetarian). I decided to get a job as a pharmacy technician. Hence, my new job. I intend to take this summer off from college so I can take PTC prep classes (provided by my company). By the end of summer I'll have taken my PTC exam, become certified (instant pay raise!) and will enroll back into college for fall term. So there in a nutshell are my summer plans.

    Now for a few of the larger concerns playing on my mind about it. First off, D and I now work for the same company (he's in a much higher position than I am; he's been there for 5 years now). I feel almost backed in a corner here. With most jobs if you decide you hate it within the first month you explain that it's just not the right position for you and you walk away. Since D works for the company and everyone in the district knows him (and knows that I'm his wife) I can't say "fuck this" and walk away if I hate it or suck at it. Don't get me wrong, I considered this before even applying but honestly....D was a damn good reference (it wouldn't shock me if I got hired on name recognition alone) and with my qualifications, which consist of a really weak work history (mainly in the veterinary field) and "housewife", it's hard to get a decent paying job that's not veterinary related (which is what I was looking for). Back to the point: If I fuck up it will reflect poorly on him. So that is my first concern.

    My second concern is time. D and I both go to school, he works full time and I have a ton on my own plate. Our schedules very rarely meet up as it is now. I'm worried that an additional 30 some odd more hours taken up in my week will mean 30 some odd less hours for D and I to make time to spend together. I can see where a couple trying to work, go to school, take care of an elderly parent etc. etc. etc. would have a very difficult time trying to schedule each other into their lives. Case in point; today is St. Valentine's Day and also my first day at work. D had today off (first holiday he's had off in a few years) so he was still sleeping when I left. He got up and (Bless his heart) brought candy and a card up to me. I got off at 4:15, came home and decided to blog for a bit, grab a snack and just relax. While I'm messing with the computer D is doing homework and getting ready to go to class. He's in school from 7 to 8:40pm Tuesday and Thursday nights this term. So when I get off the computer I've got to get some housework done and do my homework while he's gone. When he gets home we're going to have about an hour and a half to watch The Shield (awesome show), eat and finish up whatever needs to be done around here. Then we have to crash only to do it all again tomorrow. D was sweet enough to rent a couple of movies while I was working but with the way the evening is going to go we won't be able to watch them until later in the week. Tomorrow I have class early in the morning then straight to work after school. It all boils down to this; is a pattern getting ready to emerge and if so, how can I keep it from hurting my relationship with him. Let's just hope for now that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

    My third concern is how this will cut into my schooling. After that fucking 74 I now see that I'm going to have to invest more time and energy into this math class. I don't want my grades to suffer (even more) because of a busy work schedule but at the same time I don't want work to suffer (see concern #1).

    So there it all is. Blech!

    Now, I'm off to tackle homework, housework and return a few calls.



    Monday, February 13, 2006

    College & Car Crap

    So I get about 3 hours of sleep last night, get up and haul ass to get to class by 8am (morning traffic SUCKS- I have to leave by 7:15 at the absolute latest to get there on time). Did I mention that it was 30 something degrees out? Now that might not mean anything to the average Northerner but it says a lot to the average Southerner. I digress; I'm taking algebra 3 (aka, College Algebra) this term, btw. So anyway I get the results of a test I took last Monday (the first test of the term). Upon seeing my grade I instantly hear the universe straining to take a dump on my newly started day. A fucking 74! I must share this tragic news so I called "T" to complain. What am I met with? "Not bad Aza, that's a solid C". Okay so, anyone who knows me knows that I don't function well in life after studying my ass off to be rewarded with a "solid C". C's fucking suck! C's are not A's and A's are my standard (B's are at least tolerable). Not to mention- I didn't pay nearly $400 bucks this term to make C's. So after agonizing over the possibility of totally blowing this term I've come to following decision: Even if I fail the shit out of every test in this class I'm going to keep dragging my ass out of bed every Monday and Wednesday morning to at least take notes. Worst case scenario; I fail and have to take the fucker again- oh well.

    I can already hear the criticisms "Geez, Aza! It's only one C!". All I have to say to that is- If you're satisfied with C's well, congratufuckinglations, I'm not.

    Wow, I just got a super disturbing IM. I think I'm gonna go (try not to vomit) for now- think I may post about it when I've had time to digest the conversation.


    Good Lord I'm Tired

    However, I don't want to put this off. I think I'll start by mentioning that this is not my first online diary, journal, blog...Whatever. I've had a few come and go but wasn't able to keep them up and running due to a few reasons: 1st, Daily time constraints- Seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day. 2nd, General laziness- When I'm not running balls to the walls I'm usually sleeping. and finally My writing skills- My writing leaves something to be desired. Let's hope I improve on all of the above- or at the very least, let's hope that history does not repeat itself and this page does not sky rocket down my list of priorities within the first month of inception.

    Sooooo, I think I'll hold off on doing a formal "about me" kind of post. I tend to open up at a pace all of my own. Plus, it's more fun to sit back and watch my 'train wreak for a thought process' happen naturally.

    "Blogs I Dig" and "Linkalicious" will expand as well as my "About Me" page, again this will happen as I get used to being here regularly. Back in the day I was pretty good at messing around with HTML so the general layout of Phantasmagorical Dreams may change also.

    Sleep beckons.


    Sunday, February 12, 2006

    The eagle has landed

    And then there was one.........(more).