Dinner for 10 (small villages)...

So my menu is less than traditional but who gives a crap? My guests will just have to understand 4 simple truths- 1/ It’s the holiday’s, I’m busy. 2/ It’s better than nothing. 3/ They’re welcome to feast on my craptastic always entertaining festive attitude. And 4/ There’s no bill at the end of the meal.

~Whore derves~

Awesome Pumpkin Spice Graham crackery dip (that I’m going to claim I made from scratch) to put on cookies - Check
Nilla Wafers and Ginger Snaps - Check
800 Deviled Eggs - Check
Enough sliced cheese to constipate an elephant - Check
Loads of those little “designer” crackers (that’ll make everyone think I’m classy) for cheese - Check
Triscuits (loaded with fiber- insert evil laugh here) and Wheat Thins in case people hate designer crackers - Check

~Mains & Sides~

Turkey - Check
Ham - Check
Metric ton of Stuffing - Check
5 gallons of Gravy - Check
Canned Yams (but I'm going to say I picked them myself) - Check
That Cranberry flavored gel crap in a can - Check
4 billion red potatoes for homemade mashed taters - Check
Boots to mash taters - Check
Creepy Cheesy broccoli rice casserole (that I’ll probably hate) - Check
Dinner Rolls - Check
Sweet Potato casserole - Check

~Dessert~

Pineapple Upside Down Cake - Check
Cupcakes - Check
Peach Pie (I’m also claiming I made from scratch) - Check

~Extras~

First Aid kit - Check
Pepto Bismol - Check
Prep H - Check
911 on speed dial - Check
Alibi - Check


Now I'm really poor. Happy Thanksgiving, you're not getting shit for Christmas!

Be my support. Be my strength. Be my bra…

Dad sent the below email to me. After checking it out on Snopes and determining it’s legit, please take a look…


From a nurse:

I'll never forget the look in my patients' eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered. A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important.

Please take the time and do it! Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.

If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to vote on this issue and send it on to others you know who will do the same..

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through' Mastectomy where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name, state, and zip code.

(http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php)

This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, and on behalf of all women, THANKS!

A fellow blogger and one of the sweetest people around needs prayers

Latté Girl is in the hospital. Please send prayers and positive energy her way for a quick recovery.

101 reasons I am the coolest person that ever lived

1/ You can call me at 11pm on a Monday night and tell me that your wife (my coworker) is in the Navy E.R. and I will haul ass to get to her and in getting to her I will inconvenience a very close friend who happens to be a member of a local police dept. to get me on base (who I still can‘t thank enough!).

2/ I will drill your wife’s doctors with my limited medical knowledge to make certain she is top priority and well taken care of.

3/ I will hold her hair out of her face while she projectile vomits.

4/ I will work her shifts as well as my own.

5/ I will buy her really expensive flowers and make everyone at work chip in.

6/ I will show you my boobies if you’re having a bad day. Okay, so I’m kidding on that one! (or am I?)

7/ You can call me from North Carolina while I’m at work after you’ve had an appendectomy freaking the fuck out and ask me to go back to the fucking navy E.R. because your husband broke his leg and has no one in the city to help take care of him until a family friend can make it up from Orlando.

8/ I will throw out my fucking back by assisting the staff at said hospital in splinting your husbands leg.

9/ I will not look at your husbands package while said procedure is taking place.

10/ I will consult with your and his surgeons to make sure they know someone who knows what the hell is going on is keeping an eye on things.

11/ I will do all of the above while incredibly ill but you won‘t know it.

12/ I will punch you in the fucking head if you say one word about me smoking again because of all the stress I‘m under. Okay, so that one doesn’t make me cool.

13/ I will fix your husbands IV lines all 800 times the fucking alarm on the machine goes off.

14/ I will make sure that you and your spouse get only the best drugs during your respective stays at the hospital.

15/ I will do all of the above and more with a smile on my face and will not tell you how stressed I am, how sick I’ve been or cry in front of you.


This is going to be longwinded and boring so you might as well just skip it. I sure as hell wish I could have.

Okay so basically the story goes like this…Monday afternoon one of my coworkers (Military Wife- some of you may recall her from prior posts) calls me and asks if I’ll cover her shift- she feels really bad and wants to go home. Sure, no problem…I‘m here to help. Monday night around 11pm her husband calls and tells me she is in the Navy E.R. with severe abdominal pain. She sent him home earlier in the afternoon but asked him to call me so I could tell everyone at work she probably wouldn’t be coming in the next day. Something in my gut twists. I have a feeling the “abdominal pain” is a much larger problem than “Oh, I’m just crampy”. The fact that she’s on a morphine drip later confirms this. I asked him if I could get on base since she was there alone and he said probably not. I convey to a friend what’s going on and that I have to get on base. Said friend calms me the hell down, meets me at the base and is able to get me to her in the E.R. I sit with her, talk to her doctors, make sure they keep her drugged because she is in intense pain and try to keep an eye on things as they perform multiple tests to diagnose what‘s going on.

By 5:30 Tuesday morning it’s official she has and appendicitis and needs to go to surgery. I went outside, called her husband, told him to get back to the hospital so she can get prepped for surgery. At 6:30am I leave assuring her I’ll get everything squared away at work. Later that evening after her surgery I get into a minor fender bender (said law enforcement friend to the rescue AGAIN!) while on my way to take her flowers and food (because the universe not only wants to fuck with me but wants to fuck with my car too).

Wednesday she is released from the hospital and leaves town to go to North Carolina with her mom (a trip they’d planned months before). At this point I am smoking again so I decided to start the Chantix again which ends up making me deathly ill (I should have started at .05mg but I started at 1mg. Yes, I am a dumbass). That day I schedule a doctors appointment for Thursday at 11am since I’m sick as hell because of the Chantix. Still I want to take it because I want to quit smoking again and it works.

Thursday, I’m due at my doctors appointment at 11am and work by 1pm. So along comes Thursday afternoon. I’d taken promethazine the night before to stop puking my guts up so naturally I missed my fucking 11am appointment. They tell me they can get me in at 3, I tell them I’ll be at work, they tell me the soonest they can see me after is sometime next week. What the fuck ever! I am NOT going to be this sick for another 4 or 5 days. I went to work at 1 and saw that we were overstaffed. So I tell my Pharmacist that I’m going to take an extended lunch, drive across the fucking city during the start of rush hour to get to my doctors appointment. I get back at 4:30 feeling like crap with a hand full of scripts from my doc and am ready to get back to work, finish my day and go home. Could it have possibly been that easy? Hell no! Of course not, this is me were talking about here!

One of the kids I’m training shouts across the pharmacy “Aza, you’ve got a call on 101 and it doesn’t sound good!” I answered the phone and it was Military Wife in hysterics. I say “MW, calm down and tell me what’s going on.” She then proceeds to tell me she’s in excruciating pain from the appendectomy, she’s in North Carolina, she’s allergic to the pain meds and I have to go back to the Naval E.R. “RIGHT NOW!!!!” All I could muster for a response at that point was “Ummm, what?” she responds hysterically with “My husband broke his fucking leg and there’s no one to help him but you until I can get my friend from Orlando to come!”.

At this point my eyes were brimming as I looked over at my Rph and shook my head. I told her I’d take care of it and hung up. Sooooo, half an hour later (around 6:30ish) I’m pulling into the E.R. parking lot. I get in, get things dealt with, update MW and wait for the friend from Orlando to come. During my wait a nurse walks in and asks him one of the most retarded questions I’ve ever heard in my life- “So, how’s your pain level between 1 and 10, 10 being the worst pain you’ve ever experienced?” I sat there staring at her for a moment trying to digest what I’d just heard and whether or not I’d heard it correctly. Finally I said “Uh, both bones in his left leg are broken and at the break they splintered into 4 or 5 pieces. I’d have to say, and MW Husband please correct me if I’m wrong here, that his pain level is at about a ’Fuck This!‘. Does that sound about right MW Husband?” he nodded, she stomped out of the room to go get more meds.

10pm rolls around, my lower back and shoulders are killing me, I’ve assisted in splinting his leg, have dealt with his fucked up IV lines, yelled at a bunch of fucking incompetent people, am covered in plaster and am praying I can make it out of there without injuring anyone. The friend from Orlando finally walks in the room MW’s husband is set up in for the night. I explain to her everything that’s happening- what time he’s going in for surgery the next day blah, blah, blah, blah…..ad infinitum.

I come home totally emotionally exhausted and feeling completely numb. I’ve not slept more than a few hours in 4 days, I’m sick and I’ve been pulled in a thousand directions at once. So I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, play around on my cell and try to get my brain to shut down. I don’t actually get to sleep until around 10:30am this morning because as tired as I was I just couldn’t shut down- then I’m back up by noon after being jarred awake by a storm of nightmares and I’m running again. His surgery didn’t go as well as planned and he now has a shit load of new hardware in his leg but at least he made it through and is in recovery.

My plans for tomorrow? I’m going to go to work, come home, try to exist in peace and maybe, just maybe go to the gym. Or kick the ever loving shit out of the first fucking person that looks at me wrong. I’m still undecided.

Early morning conversations...

After reading the supportive comments below, eating copious amounts of pills, random bawling spells, a touch of retail therapy and sleeping a lot….I’m feeling a bit better. Many thanks to the well wishers (and the manufactures of Klonopin, Zoloft and valerian). Sometimes rescue can be a real kick in the junk (especially when you work with animals that are already compromised)!

Oh, and yes, I’d be happy to adopt a little (but mighty) Dyck- assuming he‘s house trained.

And now I think I’d like to share a moment of retardation in the Aza household…

3am…

He says (while violently flipping the bathroom light switch): “Hey, I think the switch is broken!”

I say: It’s 3am leave it alone until tomorrow.

He says (while stomping into the bedroom to go to bed): “Damn switch”

9am…

I say to myself (while walking into the bathroom): *sigh* “I’m going to be so pissed if I have to replace that switch!”

I say to myself (while flipping said switch on and off once and going pee): “1- go to the hardware store and purchase a new switch. 2- cut main breaker. 3- replace switch. 4- triple check connections for safety. 5- turn main breaker back on. 6- and then there was light!"

I say to myself (while grimacing at my morning breath and walking into the kitchen): “Yeah, seems simple enough but you’ve got to account for Murphy.”

I say to myself (while searching for and finding a light bulb in the cleaning supply cabinet): *sigh* “Yep, Murphy’s law…when something goes wrong in this house it’s never a simple fix. Maybe I should buy extra stuff while I‘m at the hardware store.”

I say to myself (while changing the bathroom light bulb): “And corn for the squirrel feeders outside.”

I say to myself (while flipping the switch): “Oh! I can check the new herbs they’re getting in for my herb garden…this year that garden is gonna rock! I think I’ll start a strawberry bed too.”

I say to myself (as the light turns on): “Then again I could always go back to bed and gloat.....Heh, screw you Murphy!”

I say (now back in bed): “Hey ding-dong, there’s nothing wrong with the switch- the light bulb had blown”

He says: “*grumble*” (something unintelligible)

I say to myself (while rolling over to watch T.V.): “I sure am altruistic, considering I married a retard and all.”

Want to put a smile on a complete strangers face?

Send a card.

Seriously.

Tuna Girl’s very dear friend Patrick is in the hospital tonight recovering from surgery. Now just how cool would it be for Patrick to get his mail and find a bunch of get well cards from complete strangers across the country- maybe even from around the world (hint, hint my foreign friends)? Yeah, that’d be pretty freakin’ cool.

It's hard to smile when you don't feel good. So, I don’t know Patrick but I’m going to do it. I'm going to send him a get well card because I think it will make him smile.

You should do it too- Jot down the below address and stick it in your purse or wallet. When you’re out and about tomorrow take a moment to stop and buy a card (even a postcard). You don’t have to write something all elaborate just “Get Well Soon” will suffice. Stick a stamp on in and drop it in the post.

You have to admit 10 minutes out of your day and 39 cents (or 21 cents if you send a postcard) to make someone feel better is a small investment for a huge payoff.

Patrick Doyle
PO Box 8409
New York, NY
10150


~UPDATE~

Here's a pic of the card I sent. Yeah, it's another crappy cell phone pic but you get the idea...

Ahhh, the Blog-a-thon memories!

*NOTE: Green links will take you to blog-a-thon related posts and stuff.
Blueish links will take you to personal blogs. Please visit all of the fine folks that worked on this project with Betty, they've got some pretty rockin' blogs!*


I wasn’t able to start stalking enjoying the blog-a-thon party over at Stale Betty’s place until around 6:30pm; my boss just couldn’t grasp the concept of “But I really need to go home and blog!!!” Anyway, I got there after work, caught up on what I’d missed and harassed hung out with the Mil wives and sponsors until 6:30am. Yep, I made it for 12 hours. I closed my eyes for like two seconds as Tuna Girl‘s shift was just about up and the next thing I knew the alarm was going off and I had to go to work.

Those of you who missed it, missed one hell of a good time. Each of the cases/trivia questions posed were a blast and some of the comments were hilarious! The whole 24 hours were so well planned and ran seamlessly; the fun was nonstop!

I’d like to thank Stale Betty for putting together such an awesome blog-a-thon, Tuna Girl, Rose, April aka APE, Tess, Betty, Maximus, Char Marie for blogging their fingers off for our enjoyment (and the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund) and Daniel for being such an amazing emcee!!!

(Oh, and a special thank you to all of them for putting up with me commenting my butt off!)

Here‘s Daniel's account of the event "Blogging In Heels".

The total donated so far is $1,800!!! There’s still time to sponsor the Mil wives to help these ladies reach their goal of $2,000 (they‘re SO close!) Sponsorship is open for up to 48 hours after the event ends so if you haven‘t yet, sponsor/donate now!


Here are some memorable moments (in no particular order)…

All of the incredibly hot pics are courtesy of Daniel‘s extensive search of the net! They are as follows: I requested these (drool!!!), here’s a little more hotness Matthew McConaughey and last but so hotfully not least Mr. Depp (my future ex-husband).

Here‘s where Stale Betty hit the $1,700 mark!

I won a kick ass prize then, my dad (omaum) won a prize!

Rose‘s surprise guest YA_RLY, provided one hell of a laugh with his swat sign.

And the raffle drawing winner was Scott B.

I can’t wait until next year!

I won...

a kick ass prize despite my inability to spell worth a crap!!!! After the week(s) I've had, I'm freakin' thrilled!

The ladies are still going strong at STALEBETTY.COM! GO, GO, GO!!! Sponsor now, then enjoy the fun and games (pic of Mr. Depp...yuuuuummmmm) they've got going on!!!

The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund is the wonderful charity these ladies are blogging their hearts out for. So please…


Click The Button To Sponsor!

BLOG-A-THON!!!!!!!

Today is the day. It has begun at STALEBETTY.COM! From 6am Pacific/9am Eastern for 24 (that's TWENTY FOUR) hours straight every thirty minutes (yes, you read that right, every THIRTY MINUTES!!!), it's a blog frenzy!!! GO, GO, GO!!! Sponsor now, then enjoy the fun and games they've got going on!!! Every dollar counts and when you sponsor you'll even get entered into a raffle!

Here is my original post about it. If you haven’t gotten involved yet- PLEASE do! The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund is the wonderful charity these ladies are blogging for. So please…

Click The Button To Sponsor These Awesome Ladies!


I have to go to work in a few minutes but I am so looking forward to going over to Stale Betty‘s as soon as I get home and every chance I get to enjoy the fun and games!

A Big Honkin' Thank You!!!

To Dayngr Girl for requesting the below entry with the embedded links, spreading the word by blogging an awesome Post about it, AND requesting the PDF flyer!!! Your support is so appreciated!

The flyer (a great, eye catching design!) can be found at Stale Betty's Place. Scroll to the bottom of her page, look right, click and download. Put em' everywhere! The Community Center on base, your break room at work, your church bulletin board, your next PTA and or Girl/Brownie/Cub/Boy Scout meeting.

It's an awesome thing these ladies are doing! Lets continue to spread the word everywhere!

While you're visiting Stale Betty, please take a moment to visit the list of wonderful sponsors also linked in her right sidebar.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for its heros!!!

Seriously.

This is my 100th post, and it's a damn good one!

Please feel free to C&C or link this entry to your blog or e-mail me and I'll send you the entry with all of the links already embedded. Lets spread the word!

I jacked this from Rose. This is an ultra worthy cause! I've made my pledge and I hope anyone reading this does too. No amount is too small, it all helps!

Here's what Rose wrote...

"I usually talk myself out of doing Blogathon every year. I tell myself that I don't have the energy, or that I don't have the time, or that there's no way I'd be able to do it with my other obligations. This year, I have no excuse. I have been asked to participate in Blogathon with an absolutely AMAZING team of fellow military wife bloggers (Stale Betty, Char Marie, Tuna Girl, Maximus, April, and Tess. I'm proud to say I have all these ladies on my blogroll, and would encourage you to check them out. We, as a team, are going to blog for 24 hours straight over at Stale Betty's Place and she's already given us keys to the joint so we can move in and make ourselves comfortable. We are going to be blogging for a charity that's near and dear to our hearts, the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. Betty did a fabulous job of explaining what the charity is on her blog yesterday, so I am going to give her full credit but I'm just going to reproduce what she posted there: Yes. Once again, I must ask you all for your money so that together we can help our military men, women and families. We will be blogging every 30 minutes for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund which just recently began construction on a 65,000 square foot state-of-the-art physical rehabilitation center and advanced training skills center at Brooke Army Medical Center at Fort Sam in San Antonio, TX. For those of you unfamiliar with BAMC, it is known for having one of the best burn units in the country. It was already a top of the line hospital but with the added rehab center, it's going to be even more beneficial to the men and women returning from war with severe burns, amputations and other life-changing injuries. Funding for the construction has been met but donations are still needed to purchase medical equipment and supplies. Any small bit helps.

Sign up to sponsor us.

Facts and Statistics

To date more than 20,000 men and women have been wounded in operations in Afghanistan and Iraq According to U.S Senate research, is that the amputation rate has doubled: 6% of those injured in Iraq have amputations compared with 3% in previous wars.

As of April 30, there were 268 amputees, 41 of whom had lost two limbs. There are triple amputees, according to Walter Reed Officials. Unfortunately, these numbers will continue to rise.

Over all 90 percent of soldiers wounded in Iraq survive. In Vietnam, only 76 percent of the wounded did so.

Hundreds of soldiers have been severely burned, and some initial reports indicate that soldiers have suffered eye injuries at a rate far higher than any previous war.

Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund has contributed over $14 million to military families, but as the operations in Iraq and Afghanistan continue, unfortunately many more families will need our help.

-----------

The team, under Betty's leadership, already has some great ideas to keep the blogathon entertaining for anyone who wants to join us on our journey and read as we write. We've got games planned, prizes planned

Great Googly Moogly needs YOU!

Now is the time for all good bloggers and non-bloggers alike to come to the aid of the Great Googly Moogly!

Rose, owner and operator of Great Googly Moogly is a member of the "Shitty Blogs Club" and therefore is a contestant in the Shitty Blog Survivor challenge. The first week's immunity challenge has been presented.

Please go HERE and vote for her! While you're at it, leave a comment about why Rose should win. "The more interesting and creative the comments, the better."

And to my non-blogging cohorts- no, you don't have to have a blog to vote.

That is all.