Are we enamored with the anus?

Crapping candy dispensers; a popular new holiday trend or have I been under the rock too long? As you know, I have an incredibly skewed and convoluted sense of humor so naturally, I intend to collect them all. That being said…

I found this in the grocery store this evening sitting among various Easter treats and goodies. If you’re a traditional Christian (which I‘m not), nothing says “Hey, thanks for dying horrifically for our sins and happy resurrection, Jesus” like a toy chicken shitting candy. Amazon has the whole farm animal set and they even provide the following product description…

Product Features

~Fun with incontinent farm animals!

~Set includes 4 candy creatures: Crazy Daisy the Pooping Cow, Porky Pooper the Pig, Hippy Chicky, and The Pooping Bull.

~Push down on the behind of the cow, pig, or bull to dispense brown jelly beans.

~The happy baby chicken is a wind-up toy that dispenses colorful candies from its posterior as it waddles along.

~Sorry, toiletries not included.

Now if that isn’t glamorizing the rectal misuse/abuse of farm animals, I don’t know what is.

If flavorful farm animal excrement doesn’t tickle your fanny fancy, how about the Christmas/Winter line; these dispensers exuberantly shout “Happy Birthday baby Jesus! We celebrate your birth by giving each other plastic Reindeer, Santa’s, Penguins, Polar Bear and Snowmen dumping out Holiday Cheer!” The advertising for these made sure to emphasize that these make “great stocking stuffers”!




Oh not clear enough for you? Well, this little perverted illustration should make the situation crystal. Really I ask, who needs to see a reindeer taking a 50mph Malt Ball projectile shit? Not me, I say! I was sold on the mental picture alone. But hey, thanks for putting it out there for me.

Who gets/gives these toys as gifts? Well, as I mentioned, I’m aiming to collect them all but tfg over at Assclownopolis got the jump on me by receiving the pooping sheep as a Christmas gift.

All of this leads one to wonder a few things

1. What’s next… plastic cats crapping Tootsie Rolls, guinea pigs pooping Milk Duds, rats excreting Rasinettes, dogs defecating mini Baby Ruth’s?

2. What must the countries manufacturing these little gems for the good ole US of A think of us? and

3. Are we inadvertently telling our children that eating something that comes out of the ass end of an animal is a positive thing? I predict the next generation’s psychological wellbeing going straight down the shitter- no pun intended. Then again, I made that prediction well before I knew about these little plastic gems.