Fuck Off Friday

Welcome to the second installment of a series I like to call “Fuck Off Friday”. I inadvertently began “Fuck Off Friday” with this post- which began on a Tuesday but that's beside the point. So, with all of the people, places, and things I’d like to tell to “Fuck Off” an idea was born. It's a great way to end the week. Plus, I really don’t feel like I vent in the form of vulgar, nasty rants nearly enough.

Can’t say it on your own blog but have a burning need to tell someone, someplace or something to fuck off? Feel free to leave a fuck off dedication in the comments.

Where to start…

Fuck Off Bachelorette! I just dropped over $100.00 on a gift for you and I don’t even know you that well. I hate feeling cornered into doing something nice simply because I work with the asshat I’m doing it for. That hot little number I bought you from Fredrick’s of Hollywood should be mine! We both know I’d look better in it anyway.

Fuck Off Amazon Seller! You put a CD I wanted up for sale, I buy it, then you inform me via email that you’re giving me my money back and will not be sending the CD. What was your excuse? “Memo from seller: Dear Customer, Sorry for the inconvenience but the item you ordered did not meet our quality control standards. Please contact us if you have any questions.” Yeah, I’ve got a question alright; What the fuck does that mean!? Why did you list the fucking CD in the first place if it “did not meet [y]our quality control standards”? Wait, don’t answer that because I already know! You listed it with no intention of selling it just to piss me the fuck off! Mission accomplished! Thanks for wasting my time.

Fuck Off Birth Control Manufacturers! And thanks for making me feel inept! The 7 “placebo” pills you provide me at the end of each pack that do absolutely nothing were put there just to mock me weren’t they? You insert 7 useless pills into the pack because you assume I’m a moron that can’t take a useful pill everyday for 21 days then stop for 7 days and pick back up on the eighth day. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not stupid. I don’t need to take a useless pill everyday for 7 days to remember where I left off. I’ve been in ownership of my vagina for 28 years now. I think I can handle it thankyouverylittle.

Fuck Off Norton! Yeah, I know my subscription ran out last week. You don’t have to remind me with that asinine little “You’re going to get hard drive herpes if you don’t purchase a renewal RIGHT NOW!!!!” pop up. Fuck you and your hard drive herpes- I’ll renew when I feel like it.

Fuck Off Burger King Employees! Have it your way, right away? Yeah well, not so fucking much apparently! My order wasn’t that difficult, really. A grilled chicken sandwich with only mustard, mayo and cheese & a large Sprite. How can you fuck up something so incredibly simple? What did you give me? A fried piece of shit you laughingly call a chicken sandwich with a pile of mustard on it the size of New Hampshire. It’s not grilled, it doesn’t have cheese on it and not a dab of mayo in sight. Oh, I ate it, just to spite you sonsofbitches! This is my lunch break you’re fucking with here people- thanks for ruining it!

And that concludes this week's craptastic Fuck Off Friday! Thanks for playing along!