I’d have cried if I thought it’d do any good

The other day was off to a fan-fucking-tastic start! Let me tell you all about it...

So, I get to sleep around 6am only to be ripped awake by my dog freaking the hell out at 7. I woke with such a start I scared the hell out of the cat who was sleeping peacefully on my left leg. Said fear drove said cat into attempting to not so surgically remove my leg. The dog only goes this nuts when someone is trying to come on the property without introductions. So I throw on a robe ignoring my bloody stump of a leg and stomp outside with the intention of shredding the fucker that has my dog going insane at 7am and who is now in my mind responsible for my leg getting torn to hell. What do I find? Cujo….in the driveway……attempting to kill the neighbors cat. My dog, who loves my (INDOOR ONLY) kitties and is fiercely protective over them. So naturally I yelled “WTF!!!!!!!”, he spun around with a shocked look on his fat doggie face and yelled back “OH SHIT!!!!” and then proceeded to take off running.

Now let me just say, I’ve been doing rescue and rehab for way too many years to have this kind of bullshit go down on my property. Everyone gets along or there’s hell (in Aza form) to pay. I immediately went to aid kitty who was pretty fucked up by the whole experience. The entire time all I could muster for rational thought aside from veterinary first aid was “What the fuck was that dog thinking!?!? He knows better!!!”. He had retreated to his run which I promptly locked him in (for his safety). I gave the cat some water and came back inside to tell Dad what was going on and call D for secondary advice.

What did I get from these two mental giants? Dad: “Well since the dog is locked up the cat will go home right?” Me: “Dad, it would appear from her breathing that the cat has at least two broken ribs, maybe a punctured lung and is in general pretty fucked up from what I can tell without being at the clinic”. Dad: “I’m not sure what to do, you worked at a vet so you know what to do right?” Me: “This is fucking ridiculous! That damn dog!!!”

I called D. Me: “You’re not going to believe what the fucking dog did!!! Blah, blah, blah -insert story here-. And so now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who the cat belongs to, she is not critical so I don’t see rushing to the E.R. clinic (plus, I don’t trust the sorry sack of skin on call there this morning) but she needs a vet, D. What the fuck was he thinking!? We have baby KFC refugees* running the property that he hasn’t so much as looked at twice. He’s great with our kitties!” D: “Hon, all I can suggest is you wait for the regular vet to open and take her in.” Me: “I refuse to bring this cat inside. I don’t know her health and I’ll be damned if I risk our kitties with FeLV or FIV (two of which are FeLV positive as it is).” D: “Well, you’re going to have to figure something out, I’ve got to go back to work.” Me: “This is fucking ridiculous! That damn dog!!!”

As I’m going back outside I decided to put her in a large carrier, wait for the vet to open and take her in. When I get back around to the driveway I see her at the front of the property jumping the fence heading back in the direction that I can only guess she lives.

So then the neighbors dogs who run the streets because those white trash fuckers next door have no regard for the leash law, their animals safety, etc. etc. etc. chase the cat under my car. Well this sends me over the fucking top. I’ve not gotten any decent sleep in days, my leg is encrusted with a pint of dried blood, my dog is an idiot and my dad and D at this point aren’t far behind the dog in my opinion. So I chased the neighbors dogs off; while doing so, kitty disappeared. The whole situation had me so mad I was ready to start at the beginning of the street knocking on doors and beating the ever loving shit out of anyone who answered while lecturing them on the importance on indoor kitties, fully fenced property for roaming dogs, leash laws that apply to both dogs and cats and overall respect for the neighbors who take proper care of their pets and are in general, not white trash.

I came back inside, took half a Klonopin to avoid an impending panic attack which also pissed me off because I haven’t taken one in weeks now. I sit down, take a deep breath and try to relax. I have to go to work today. It’s over, I’m going to nurse my frayed nerves and try to get a few more hours sleep. Then I hear a boom in the distance. A boom that sounds just like a power transformer blowing up. I sat back and started to laugh- seconds later, the power goes out. Now I can’t go back to sleep even if I was calm enough and wanted to because the alarm has a dead back up battery.

The power came back on pretty quick so then I sat there wondering- What’s next?

And then a bunch of other stupid crap happened and stuff. And I'm still a week later worried sick about the kitty.

You're a bad dog!!!

* The “KFC refugees” are a flock of baby chickens that magically appeared out of nowhere. One day a few weeks back I walked out to the garden and there they were. So naturally I granted them political asylum, went to the feed and grain store and bought them food. FEMA apparently doesn’t give a shit about refugee chickens.