Mental health, or lack thereof

My primary MD doesn’t want to give me any more refills. She says she’s not ’qualified’ to deal with “mental health” issues. She’s carried me on refills for two years now. I explained “They’re just panic attacks (with a little depression, a hint of rage and a touch of psychotic behavior sprinkled atop for good measure), Doc. Nothing more, nothing less. Let’s not make a big issue out of the situation.” Nope, two years is apparently long enough.

So I made an appointment with yet another psychiatrist and yet another counselor. Yet another? Yes, yet another.

Notes to self…

~ You know you’re fucked up when your psychiatrist informs you in a letter that you’re not “invited” back to his office.

~ When you’re pissed off at your psychiatrist and they ask “What are you thinking?” LIE.

~ When asked to explain what a “Columbian Necktie” is. LIE.

~ Do not psychoanalyze your therapist until she begins to cry and tell you about her abusive parents.

~ Remember that your sense of humor is ‘off’. Most people in the mental health field do not think you’re funny, they think you need to be committed, need stronger drugs or both.

~ If you don’t like your therapist, do not continue to go and finally in the middle of your sixth session (after spending six co-pays) exclaim gleefully “Now I know why I hate you!” and then proceed to explain that the only reason you kept coming back after the first visit was to figure out why you hated them.

~ Just because your mother screwed the family counselor doesn’t mean you have a license to emotionally destroy every counselor you come in contact with.

~ When you’re threatened with Baker Act, smiling and with a shrug saying “I’ll get out sooner or later” probably isn’t a good idea. That’s called an “implied threat” and it‘s rather childish.

~ Seeking out and randomly touching on your therapists worst fears throughout your session, isn’t conducive to healing. It fucks with their head. It’s also considered in polite society to be ‘rude’.

~ Discussing the pros and cons of crunchy peanut butter for half an hour is a waste of $175.00

~ Deciding you’re going to hate your counselor (before you’ve even met the man) just because his name is ‘George’ and insisting on pronouncing his name in Spanish is just plain ridiculous.

These are just a few nuggets of wisdom I’ve learned while seeing therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists over the years.

‘Productivity’ is my word for the upcoming month. And we all know the Latin root of Productivity is ‘refill’.