100+ Things
Manic? Maybe…
Or maybe it’s “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”.
I have been in a funk. A restless, deep, dark, melancholy filled funk. So what have I been doing while submerged and cocooned within this funk? Everything. I put on my combat boots and declared war on it.
Knitting, working, going to the gym an hour a night faithfully, bitching at and about Whore-Hey, downloading dirty music to my MP3 for the gym, fantasizing about being a ninja (again) etc. etc. etc….
I think I’m just now beginning to find my footing. I actually got 4 solid hours of nightmare less sleep a few mornings ago.
A cathartic moment occurred at 3am three nights ago while sitting on the swing in my back yard, thong and tank top clad enjoying the coolness and stillness of the night. I’ve spent my life (literally) taking care of those around me. My dad and D would happily live the lives of 10 year olds eating fruit loops, snack cakes and coke if I didn’t go to the grocery store and insist on them consuming anything other than straight sugar (it‘s been a battle). Here lies the hypocrisy; I live off of straight sugar. I’ve survived on Sprite, the occasional candy bar and fast food- why? To maintain the energy level needed to run after and take care of all (not just D and dad) of the 10 year olds in my life.
So anyway, I’m sitting there two shades shy of naked when it dawns on me. The “More’s” and the “Lesses”. Since I’ve been going to the gym and wrapping my world in an even more frenzied lifestyle, I’ve been drinking water- more, I’ve been smoking- less (I do intend to quit- which I’m sure will bring on a whole new war between D and I) and I‘ve been taking the time to eat healthier foods- more. I’ve been looking in the mirror and hating the reflection staring back at me a little- less. When I sashay around scantily clad getting dressed to go somewhere and am unnoticed, I’m hurt a little- less. I am hoping for more but am learning to appreciate what less has to offer.
So was it really “cathartic”? No, not really. In actuality it was just a brief recognition of the obvious. Interestingly enough, while recognizing the obvious I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was sitting in my backyard, half naked, contemplating my current situation at 3am.
The funk is lifting.
I have been in a funk. A restless, deep, dark, melancholy filled funk. So what have I been doing while submerged and cocooned within this funk? Everything. I put on my combat boots and declared war on it.
Knitting, working, going to the gym an hour a night faithfully, bitching at and about Whore-Hey, downloading dirty music to my MP3 for the gym, fantasizing about being a ninja (again) etc. etc. etc….
I think I’m just now beginning to find my footing. I actually got 4 solid hours of nightmare less sleep a few mornings ago.
A cathartic moment occurred at 3am three nights ago while sitting on the swing in my back yard, thong and tank top clad enjoying the coolness and stillness of the night. I’ve spent my life (literally) taking care of those around me. My dad and D would happily live the lives of 10 year olds eating fruit loops, snack cakes and coke if I didn’t go to the grocery store and insist on them consuming anything other than straight sugar (it‘s been a battle). Here lies the hypocrisy; I live off of straight sugar. I’ve survived on Sprite, the occasional candy bar and fast food- why? To maintain the energy level needed to run after and take care of all (not just D and dad) of the 10 year olds in my life.
So anyway, I’m sitting there two shades shy of naked when it dawns on me. The “More’s” and the “Lesses”. Since I’ve been going to the gym and wrapping my world in an even more frenzied lifestyle, I’ve been drinking water- more, I’ve been smoking- less (I do intend to quit- which I’m sure will bring on a whole new war between D and I) and I‘ve been taking the time to eat healthier foods- more. I’ve been looking in the mirror and hating the reflection staring back at me a little- less. When I sashay around scantily clad getting dressed to go somewhere and am unnoticed, I’m hurt a little- less. I am hoping for more but am learning to appreciate what less has to offer.
So was it really “cathartic”? No, not really. In actuality it was just a brief recognition of the obvious. Interestingly enough, while recognizing the obvious I was completely oblivious to the fact that I was sitting in my backyard, half naked, contemplating my current situation at 3am.
The funk is lifting.
Labels: My Psychosis
Posted by Aza at 10:58 PM::
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5 Thoughts On The Subject
If you're sitting around there in the Devil's Playground you're going to need this:
http://www.etsy.com/view_item.php?listing_id=507253
I haven't seen anything from you for awhile. Wanted to make a point of visiting to check in on you. Hope the funk will soon be a long forgotten memory. I've been having a creative block of late myself. Although I did manage to knock something out today. It certainly sounds like you are moving in the right direction, I think.
The best part of a funk is getting out of it.
hi - we're both listed with blogger chicks; i wanted to stop by and say hello.
glad the funk is lifting - your template is really cool. i'll be back, but i won't be wearing a thong. i consider it a public service if I don't wear one.
Welcome Sudiegirl, thanks for popping in!
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