Creepy dreams, odd play lists and “opting out”

It doesn’t take a masters in psychology to know that stress tends to manifest in weird, sometimes disturbing ways. Such as dreams packed so full of symbolic imagery it makes the dream sequences in the film Twin Peaks appear simple, sane and normal or compulsively (and obsessively) listening to the same three songs over and over and over and over and over (ad infinitum) again.

“Overkill” by Colin Hay (the acoustic version), “Mandolin Rain” by Bruce Hornsby and “Mad World” from the Donnie Darko soundtrack.

I think I can blame my weird behavior (at the moment, anyway) both conscious and subconscious on “opting out” of Christmas and my birthday yet getting sucked into both (which I can (and will) fully blame on my fucking co-workers). I wanted the 19th to come and go unnoticed. I wanted the 25th to come and go unnoticed. The kids at work are doing everything but allow these two dates to pass by quietly. D and I had decided to “opt out” so we could get our finances (a major source of freak out stress) straight by the first of the year. No, no, no…we’ve got to make a big ole deal out of it at work. Two other coworkers happen to have December birthdays as well so after much debate and discussion I’m sucked in. I’ve got to buy all sorts of crap to keep the little ones happy. Yeah, it sounds bitchish of me and I could care less. I’m irritated that I cover these kids shifts and go out of my way on the schedule to make sure their social life stays intact. On top of it I have to flush my finances down the shitter to keep from having to put up with hurt feelings? I feel nothing shy of strong armed because I’m a giant push over.

I know there’s a lot more behind the creepy dreams and odd play lists. It’s just easier to target (and bitch about) the dingbats I work with rather than look at the major stressors.