100+ Things
It’s not a tumor and
No, I’m not a leper, it’s a zit. Thanks for asking, asshat!
UHG!!! I have a zit. Satan apparently impregnated my right cheek with an unholy spawn from hell the size of a 6 month old baby when I wasn‘t looking. It’s driving me absolutely freaking bonkers! I’ve tried ichthomol ointment, warm compresses and squeezing the ever loving Christ out of it. My efforts have only pissed it off and made it take up a stronger hold on my red, puffy and inflamed face. I’ve entertained the idea that maybe it’s not a zit. Remember the ol’ spider eggs story? It‘s been told a hundred different ways but they all have the same ending- they hatch. Here’s the way I heard it.
The short, short version in comma form…Girl wakes up with a small “zit” on her cheek, she is told to leave it alone as picking at it will only make it worse, “zit” grows itchy and somewhat painful, a few days pass, the “zit” is now huge and terribly uncomfortable (much like my current situation), mother suggests daughter take a hot bath and apply a compress, upon submerging in bath and within moments of applying compress her cheek erupts disgorging (I so dig that word!) thousands of tiny spiders. Hence, it was never a “zit”, a spider had laid eggs in her face.
So now I’m sure you understand why I want to take a scalpel and a dash of C4 to my face right now.
UHG!!! I have a zit. Satan apparently impregnated my right cheek with an unholy spawn from hell the size of a 6 month old baby when I wasn‘t looking. It’s driving me absolutely freaking bonkers! I’ve tried ichthomol ointment, warm compresses and squeezing the ever loving Christ out of it. My efforts have only pissed it off and made it take up a stronger hold on my red, puffy and inflamed face. I’ve entertained the idea that maybe it’s not a zit. Remember the ol’ spider eggs story? It‘s been told a hundred different ways but they all have the same ending- they hatch. Here’s the way I heard it.
The short, short version in comma form…Girl wakes up with a small “zit” on her cheek, she is told to leave it alone as picking at it will only make it worse, “zit” grows itchy and somewhat painful, a few days pass, the “zit” is now huge and terribly uncomfortable (much like my current situation), mother suggests daughter take a hot bath and apply a compress, upon submerging in bath and within moments of applying compress her cheek erupts disgorging (I so dig that word!) thousands of tiny spiders. Hence, it was never a “zit”, a spider had laid eggs in her face.
So now I’m sure you understand why I want to take a scalpel and a dash of C4 to my face right now.
Labels: I'll Take Medical Bullshit For $50 Alex, I'm Not Right In The Head, Just Another Stupid Story, Rants Raves And Bitching In General
Posted by Aza at 1:30 AM::
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4 Thoughts On The Subject
Hey hon! I sure am glad it wasn't that Huntsman Spider that dad caught! Whew, plus I know that lizards are partial to you ! Love you!
Lizard eggs... reminds me of that old show "V"
Yeah, really a comforting thought I'm sure...
Glad to see you alive and posting, albeit disfigured. My son once took a sharp object to a recalcitrant zit under the skin - I objected to the procedure but teens can do some strange things.
Kojak- All of the creepy crawlies seem to be “partial” to me. xoxo
Berserk- I remember that show!
Lattégirl- Yeah, I’m still around. I hope your feeling better. I’ve never dealt with bad acne, it just pisses me off that at 30 my body hasn’t figured out that we’re past that stage. As for bathroom surgeries, I sympathize with your son- even though the worst is over, it still feels like there’s a kernel of corn stuck under my skin!
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