I didn’t catch a cold, a cold caught me!

For me to catch a cold would nearly insinuate that I was actively hunting for one. Not the case. As much as I love feeling like crap: dry eyes, dizzy spells, horking up UFO‘s, shortness of breath, fever, bitchy attitude, chills, total body aches and wanting to cram an M-80 down my throat to break up the congestion- I was going to pass on this year’s cold and flu season. Apparently some jackass informed the pestilence that I’d be skipping the festivities and it came looking for me instead.

Surprisingly enough this doesn’t seem to be hitting me too bad (knock on wood...DO IT!!!!) as I don’t feel like something that crawled out of a construction site Port-A-Potty, yet. It got nasty for a few days but my preemptive strike in the form of vitamins, 200 hot showers a day, tons of fluids and being jacked up on Pseudoephedrine have kept my involvement with the plague minimal.

Now if you’ll all bow your heads in prayer:

Dear God,

You’ll be shocked to learn that I’m not begging to win the lottery, promising that I’ll never drink again if you’ll just help me make it through the morning or talking to you via the toilet as a conduit/medium. Nope, this time it’s important. I ask you Holy Father to spare me and my family from the misery and despair that is “Walking Pneumonia”. And should walking pneumonia come knocking at my door, I ask that you cast his uninvited, unwelcome, unwanted, unwarranted, unwholesome batootie back into the fiery depths of Hades in which he arose.

Amen.

And for my atheist friends in the audience (we don‘t discriminate ‘round these parts) or those of you that are looking to go preemptive too- below is the recipe and instructions for Vitamin C Tea. It’s not as good as praying to God (it is good in conjunction with, though) but as earthly remedies goes, it’s damn near divine. It works wonderfully as a preventative but will also shorten the duration of a cold if already infected. Rose gave it to me an age ago and I’ve sworn by it ever since! It is loaded with Vitamin C (as the name suggests) and tastes amazing. Most cold and flu seasons I enclose the following in “Get Well” baskets; I put together a ton of the dry ingredients, jar them up, add honey sticks, a huge mug, a tea infuser and instructions. Viola! It’s “feel better” in a cup!


Vitamin C Tea

2 parts Rose Hips

1 part each of:
Peppermint
Spearmint
Lemon Grass
Chamomile


Boil water, turn off the boil. Steep for a minimum of 5 minutes. Tea should have a pinkish-amber hue and smell like flowers. Honey is preferred to sugar for sweetening. Drink as often as needed.