100+ Things
It’s official
By purchasing my first set of golf clubs I’ve single handedly saved the game of golf. Because we all know how much it sucked before I came along. As your new golf leader I intend on enacting and personally enforcing the following rules…
1. Knickers and ugly pants were worn in the game over a hundred years ago. Unless you are one hundred years or older (cause then it’s just cute), take them off, they look ridiculous!
2. When you see me coming, get the fuck out of my way. Being 3 days older than Christ does not give you the right to play in less than slow motion.
3. Making fun of me or my kick ass girl golf clubs is a capitol offense. The sentence is, death by Aza’s 9 iron.
These new policies are effective immediately! How on earth can I justify rocking the very foundation on which golf was laid? What qualifies me as your new gold leader? It’s simple really, I am to golf what Dale Earnhardt Jr. is to basketball.
Seriously though, D plays, Kojak plays, everyone plays. I’m surrounded by golfers so while kicking and screaming in protest I finally cried “Uncle” and I got a set of chick clubs. I’m happy to announce that even though I gave in, I have no intention whatsoever of succumbing to the craptastic thrift store fashion made infamous by the game.
Kojak is quite the golfer so I’ve drafted him as my personal coach. Bless his heart, knowing that I have the temper of a Tasmanian devil in heat after being poked in the eye with a stick, he’s still willing to teach. Pray for him.
So in summary, when you see me on the LPGA tour or The Big Break launching all of my golf shit into the pond, getting into fist fights with my caddy Happy Gilmore style, knocking people out with my 450 yard putts, just sit back and enjoy the show.
Labels: I Should Have Joined A Convent, I'm Not Right In The Head, Just Another Stupid Story, Rants Raves And Bitching In General
Posted by Aza at 2:18 PM::
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6 Thoughts On The Subject
I've got a few friends who golf, but I've yet to follow suit. I mean, I can always just get drunk and walk around my back yard and get a lot less frustrated.
Love golf but i suck at it!
Hey, I can tell you that I am very proud of your progress. I can tell you that for somebody that has just started you doing a phenominal job. I love you and look forward to spankin some balls with ya!! Well you what I mean!!
Wow I messed that all up.. oops
where am i?! i leave this place awhile and i come back and there's golf and policeman everwhere. crazy world.
hey, you ever see that Darwin Awards winner who was trying to amuse his friends by sticking his testicles in the golf ball washer and someone slammed it down so that he was effectively neutered? the Darwin Awards normally go to people who die, but his counted because he removed himself from the gene pool anyway. that makes laughter.
speaking of cops! if any of you get bored (and have a sense of humor) read my new story. it's got boys in blue and even a blues song about 'em at the end 'cause i wish i was the third White Stripe
Berserk- Heh, my neighbors would so love you! But only if you were drunk, walking around the backyard carrying a baseball bat!
Mrs. Smith- Yeah, what you said!
For The People- Trust me, you can’t suck any worse at the game than I do.
Kojak- It’s been a lot of fun. I’m looking forward to my first real game!
David- Good God, man! I thought you’d passed over to the great behind! Yes, that makes big laughter. I look forward to reading your newest.
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