I fell off the wagon at a party and started a bar fight all in less than a week...

So I gave the Marlboro Man a lap dance. Yep I smoked a couple cigarettes at a party last weekend. They were the first cigarettes I’ve smoked since January 4th. I’ve been asked “So Aza did they taste like shit?” my response- “Actually, I think my mouth had an orgasm”. Yep, they were good, really good. I was surprised the day after when I had no desire to go out and buy a pack. Yeah, I still crave- I’ve had cravings since January 4th but the cravings were no more intense after the party than they were three months ago. Am I going to beat myself up about it…nope. Sure, I can hear it now “But Aza, you beat yourself up about everything you do- how could you not beat yourself up about it?” All I can say to that is, “Smoking a couple cigarettes is probably one of the least sinful, humiliating, bad, naughty and/or stupid things I did that night.*”

As for the bar fight….have you ever gone to a bar and seen someone who had “Please fuck with me” written all over their face? Yeah, a few nights ago while sitting at the bar with D and some friends it happened. There I am, minding my own damn business enjoying the company when "it" stumbles up to the bar and begins to annoy the holy shit out of everyone. Long story short, as soon as I laid eyes on “skanky hooker chick” who had “Please fuck with me” written on her forehead, I obliged. I mean what was I supposed to do? A drunk skank is falling all over the bar begging me to ruin her night. I was up for some fun and ready to add a little spice to the evening. Plus, nothing quite says to your friends “Hey, thanks for inviting us out!” like starting shit with a bar hoe.

So blah, blah, blah- I screwed with her sister, her sister’s boyfriend, her boyfriend and her. I got a little in fighting going between them then set in to my objective- getting that nasty bitch tossed from the bar. The conclusion consisted of me acting mad at her boyfriend for hitting on me to royally piss her off which in turn would cause her to shoot her mouth off getting her tossed. Therefore I dubbed my mission: “Skank Eject”.

I stand before you today and hereby declare my mission: Accomplished!

Here’s a tip for all you bar patrons out there…Don’t go to the bar/club, get shit faced, show your ass and NOT expect someone like me to come along and wreak your evening. I target stupid people (it’s a hobby) and dedicate as much time to screwing with them as possible.

Oh and if you’re thinking of inviting me to a party- Please don’t encourage my nasty (EX) smoking habit (regardless of how persuasive my begging is) and fully expect me to end up naked in your neighbors swimming pool. Not because I’m drunk- but because I’m not right in the head and I‘ll do damn near anything to amuse myself.

I think I’m beginning to epitomize the term “White Trash” (or "psychotic"- the jury is still out on that one).

(* or wanted (wink, wink) to do that night!!!)