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A bittersweet success
The PTCB results were posted on the website this morning at 9am.
I passed. D didn’t.
I’m certain I didn’t pass by much, as I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It all looked like a foreign language to me. I feel like shit over it. If it had to be one or the other I had really hoped it’d have been him to make the grade. I was prepared for that very situation. Ready to sign up for the November test. Convinced I’d failed and he’d passed and I was fine with it. Him passing would have meant major financial burdens lifted (due to a substantial raise and promotion), major self confidence issues lifted etc., etc., etc. This was his second time taking it. He came so close last time (within 20 points)- I was just certain he'd passed.
We won't get our actual scores for a few weeks. All the website provided was a "pass" or "fail" status.
Now he's screwed for fall semester too. He just can't carry a 60+ hour a week job, studying for and retaking the PTCB in November, trying to get major marriage issues ironed out (if that's possible), health issues AND a part time fall term.
For as pissed off and hurt as I am at him/with him (and I'm sure he is at/with me), regardless of where things go (as uncertain as our future is at the moment); I'm still happy and hopeful for his successes and terribly saddened by those goals he attempts to achieve but doesn't.
When it rains, it fucking pours.
I passed. D didn’t.
I’m certain I didn’t pass by much, as I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It all looked like a foreign language to me. I feel like shit over it. If it had to be one or the other I had really hoped it’d have been him to make the grade. I was prepared for that very situation. Ready to sign up for the November test. Convinced I’d failed and he’d passed and I was fine with it. Him passing would have meant major financial burdens lifted (due to a substantial raise and promotion), major self confidence issues lifted etc., etc., etc. This was his second time taking it. He came so close last time (within 20 points)- I was just certain he'd passed.
We won't get our actual scores for a few weeks. All the website provided was a "pass" or "fail" status.
Now he's screwed for fall semester too. He just can't carry a 60+ hour a week job, studying for and retaking the PTCB in November, trying to get major marriage issues ironed out (if that's possible), health issues AND a part time fall term.
For as pissed off and hurt as I am at him/with him (and I'm sure he is at/with me), regardless of where things go (as uncertain as our future is at the moment); I'm still happy and hopeful for his successes and terribly saddened by those goals he attempts to achieve but doesn't.
When it rains, it fucking pours.
Labels: It’s Work Therefore I Bitch
Posted by Aza at 7:36 PM::
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2 Thoughts On The Subject
How torn you must feel. Maybe that ole cliche about 'when a door closes another opens' will come alive. Good luck.
You hit the nail on the head. I want to be excited and proud of myself but at the same time I don't want to "rub it in his face". Then there's also a touch of bitterness over wanting to celebrate the fact that I'd passed but he felt like crap because he didn't so I just kind of swallowed everything.
He's got this whole "I'm a dumbass" complex going right now. I'm trying to supportive and kind and a bit of a cheerleader. He's not making it easy.
Thank you for the well wishes, I'm sure you're right- this too shall pass, it's all ever changing.
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